Ranunculus and Zen
I do have a love.
He'll have been married for 50 years this summer.
I don't think he'll leave his wife.
It's not something I expect of him - though I know he loves me intensely.
I told him I couldn't live with him immediately if he left his wife.
He doesn't like to be alone either.
What a conundrum.
We didn't expect to fall in love.
I reached out to him last year in the grocery store. We'd been on a date once about 30 years ago when he was separated from his wife.
I wondered where he'd been and what he'd done.
Turns out he was single while married for a good long time.
In the end he went back to his wife.
I know he feels cheated that we didn't have a relationship so long ago.
But then I wouldn't be who I am now and neither would he.
He's so kind, sweet, gentle and caring.
Wrong place, wrong time. Just the usual for me.
6 comments:
I know, I just wish he wasn't attached.
Yes Heather,that would be prime.
My love has been married and accepted so much negativity for so long it's asking way too much to expect him to change his life so drastically at this stage. Though it's something he contemplates daily - I know.
It's frightening to be involved with someone that's so deeply entangled. In my mind our relationship is completely untested because it all exists under false circumstances.
When I try to raise this point with him he gets upset and tells me I'm wrong. That our relationship has proven itself in the 14 months it has taken to evolve.
I would love to believe this but I've made mistakes in relationships past that require me to take my time.
I can't jump blindly into love and I can't accept a relationship readily without real life experiences. Experiences that go beyond seeing each other only in picture perfect moments.
In his favor I have to say he did see me through my mother's illness and death. He's seen me in every possible light and does still love me. I can be totally myself with him.
Still who knows what pesky little habits we may have kept from each other unwittingly.
He's a man of maturity and wisdom, a successful businessman. Maybe my quirky ,artsy independent self wouldn't be as appealing if he really had me.
All these considerations and more I take very seriously.
Having my 1st glass of wine in almost 2 years while writing this...2004 pinot nior...ooooh
ok, seriously,
How long do you think you can live like that though? I know it would drive me crazy, Jo, not having him all to myself. I am a jealous possesive person. I'm not saying that you are, just that it's hard for me to relate because I am so.
Maybe what you have together is enough for you?
I don't know, but I just wonder how long before you say it's all or nothing?
Or, does that even matter?
I just think you deserve someone that can give you all of himself!
Reason being, I have grown really fond of you , and care about you,Jo. :)
Ok, putting the wine down...
Cheers Heather! Good to know you enjoy a nice red. Me too.
Thanks for your concern. You've raised some excellent points. I'm not sure I can answer them.
Thank you for caring enough to ask. That means a lot.
I think this would make a good movie, right? (Brings to mind The Horse Whisperer....but as I recall, the book had a different ending than the movie).
Ginnie,
I guess I'll have to read it.
I don't think I'm self centered but sometimes I feel my whole life should have been a movie. I'm not trying to challenge the universe but my journey's been pretty unbelievable so far.
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